This year has offered new ways to create a healthy life that feels inspired and full.
My stay at home began in Southwest Florida. Certainly an isolation; one that allowed time daily for art and thinking. This may sound funny - kayaking alone on the river each day gave way to discovery and soul searching that broadened my world.
The acceptance of unmet goals and dreams, along with a gratitude for my path inspired peace.
Maybe this is just what comes with age.
Come September, I will celebrate my six decades of birthdays. Mother of three good people, I did my job pretty well. ‘Grammy’ to four little darlings and, in time, maybe few more will arrive. I have been a daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, wife and other labels, too. Been through heartbreaks, betrayals, and I have broken hearts and betrayed others, too.
these adorable little one are my grand children
In my twenties, thought I knew so much - life, relationships, parenting, everything. By my mid thirties, thought if I worked hard enough, it could still be accomplished. As a young mother life changed rapidly; my father diagnosis just when I was pregnant again ( somethings I had given up on) and his passing two weeks after my son was born - love, loss and renewal. As the next decade came and went, it taught me that the decision to try to keep my children’s needs foremost meant my goals were about them. If I kept running I would not feel the unfulfilled parts of me. Raising children who knew love was my goal along with running small little photography business. I learned it is not always possible to work hard enough, choices need to be made. Still tried to be perfect, it did not work. At 42, my twenty year marriage was over.
In 2011, turned fifty, decided my mother needed my help. This experience changed me again.
It is kind of funny looking back… the only word for it is devastation.
Mom had memory challenges. My siblings (seven of them) and I experienced this differently. Maybe nothing can prepare you for the loss of your mother. This pain surprised me. Then, Superstorm Sandy flooded my business and my home. This happened as my mother and my siblings were no longer part of my life.
Growing up in a large family, I was never alone. As the forth child of eight, we grew up sharing bedrooms, hand me downs, someone to play with, to help and be helped by, taking and giving to one another (sometimes stealing, telling on). Loved being part of and hated it, too. My siblings helped form my view of the world. My friends, the people we played with, were in part due to my relationship with my siblings. I wanted to fit, to be part of, to be love by, to be thought of as special.
In third grade, I lost an invitation to a neighbors birthday party and was devastated because my sister told me it meant I could not go (she was also invited). As a teenager, remember thinking my older brother would like who I was going on a date with because he would like his car. Truthfully, my older brother did not care. I just wanted to to be accepted. In a large family there was always someone to talk with, count on, to copy, to tell you what to do and think, be responsible for, share with, fight with, be judged by and, as mom declined, they were all gone.
So now… it is 2021 and I have learned to be me. Not as a mother, sister, daughter, or something, just me.
Closed a studio, gallery, store in April with Covid, it was the right time. Now only create work I am passionate about.
I want my life to bring goodness into the world.
Do I have ten, twenty, thirty years or more years left of creating goodness in the world? Is it possible to have more?
So this year I am sharing
An Inspired Life - journal for thinking, dreaming and discovering with daily thoughts
IG underwaterportraitphotography - water inspired portraits both under water & in the tub
IG susanjroche - things i like
