During my freshman year of college, took a photography class. Within weeks, had a job at a local bi-weekly newspaper - a photo journalist. The pay was terrible, hardly gas money, but the position put me in the darkroom and had me photographing people!
During high school, took every art and graphic course offered. There was so much I wanted to be and do — a flight attendant, a fashion model, a photographer, a new reporter, physical therapist, a professional athlete.
Briefly, while in college, tried looking to New York as a photographer, it scared me. More than that, had me feeling as if I was not enough, good enough. University was challenging, not enough money, housing impossible and only a few courses interested me. So I got married and began photographing weddings for family members. Continued working, hired by couples with a limited small budget, became a mother and focused of photographing family and babies. Studied, non academically, learning to be a portrait photographer. Took courses on studio lighting, portraiture, went to museums and studying the works in galleries. My goal was to make a living.
My business grew in four decades into a gallery, frame shop and studio walking distance to the beach where I photographed families at sunset. Clients were the focus; making them look and feel good was my job. Using the best material I could find, people were attracted to my work although often they needed to understand the need to use acid free materials in framing.
I always continued learning; completing my undergraduate degree slowing a class at a time graduating from Monmouth University ( 27 years from start to finish). Education gave an ability to see the world and understand it in new ways. I even understood the need for western civilization studies. During this time, family members criticized and judged harshly about my schooling, with “should’s” they thought about me not going to school and saving for my children’s. I am so very proud of earning that degree and also for helping my three childen all graduate college in 4 years.
My life was changing, The children grew up, marriage ended, and the emotional upheaval trying to help an aging parent, what happened to her money and sibling betrayal. My focus on family portraiture began shifting, at first gradually.
Superstorm Sandy devastated my studio, livelihood and flooded my home in 2012. We cleaned and rebuilt. I began photographing underwater after the storm because being in the water helped me feel alive. First I began seeing the pictures, then needing to figure out how to make them. This was creating without feeling the need to please anyone else.
When the Covid pandemic hit, knowing the difficulties of the store front studio would have, decided it was time to close up shop. When the country reopened, knowing how to market family portraits, had the best summer season ever. This help fund the shift in art making.
I was different. Part of me, needed to make art differently.
Maybe it was the storm, maybe it was the ability to come back from disaster, maybe it is the knowing heartbreak and challenges. Maybe it was my youngest child growing up and needing me differently. My goal was no longer just about the business of making a living, helping people feel confident during photo shoots and happy with their portraits. I had something to say in my work.
No longer afraid of what and who I am as an artist and photographer.
There was a playfulness, an ability and expansion happening. I am enough, and so is my work. Colors, media and the expression was no longer about pleasing others. I had learnt to craft beautifully over the years using the best papers, enhancements, materials for my finished portraits. Often mistakes and clients taught me.
