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I Love You, I'm Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You  - Simple Steps to Healing: Ho'oponopono

It is a good time to think about goodness

Hoʻoponopono is a Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness

It is more time at home even though it would be wonderful to be planning a Hawaiian vacation… keeping ourselves safe while honoring the people in our lives this holiday season is important. Sometimes it can be difficult to be at home feeling a bit stagnate or challenged, I thought maybe reading about goodness. It could be helpful.

Susan J roche underwater portraits
Susan J Roche photographer

Ho’oponopono

defined in the the Hawaiian dictionary

(a) "To put to rights; to correct, revise, adjust, amend, rectify, tidy up make orderly or to make ready, as canoemen preparing to catch a wave."

(b) "Mental cleansing: family conferences in which relationships were set right (hoʻoponopono) through prayer, discussion, confession, repentance, and mutual restitution and forgiveness.”


Literally, hoʻo is defined as goodness

Ponopono is defined as to correct

Hawaiian scholar Nana Veary in her book, Change We Must: My Spiritual Journey wrote that ho'oponopono was a practice in Ancient Hawaii.Ritual of Hoʻoponopono corrects, restores and maintains good relationships among family members and with their God. The process begins with prayer.

I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.

Susan J Roche photographer sunrise at the jersey shore



 (a) "To put to rights; to correct, revise, adjust, amend, rectify, tidy up make orderly or to make ready, as canoemen preparing to catch a wave."

(b) "Mental cleansing: family conferences in which relationships were set right (hoʻoponopono) through prayer, discussion, confession, repentance, and mutual restitution and forgiveness.” referring Hoʻoponopono teachings.


In the book, Zero Limits, Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len shares that Ho’opononpono cured the criminally insane patients without him ever seeing any of them. This is based on Len's idea of taking responsibility for everyone's actions, not only for one's own. 

If one would take complete responsibility for one's life, then everything one sees, hears, tastes, touches, or in any way experiences would be one's responsibility because it is in one's life.The problem would not be with our external reality, it would be with ourselves. Total Responsibility, according to Hew Len, advocates that everything exists as a projection from inside the human being.

Simple Steps to Healing: Ho'oponopono

I Love You, I'm Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You 



The story about a Dr Luw that the psychologist would study an inmate's chart and then look within himself to see how he created that person's illness. As he improved himself, the patient improved.

I have always believed that I am responsible for what I think and do and that most people think this way. We're responsible for what we do, not what anyone else does.

Hawaiian therapist named is Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len worked at Hawaii State Hospital for four years, he never saw a patient, he only looked at their files. That ward where they kept the criminally insane was dangerous. While he looked at those files, he would work on himself. As he worked on himself, patients began to heal.

"After a few months, patients that had to be shackled were being allowed to walk freely," he told me. "Others who had to be heavily medicated were getting off their medications. And those who had no chance of ever being released were being freed, ”I was simply healing the part of me that created them," he said.

Susan J Roche sunrise beach photography

According to Dr. Len

Total responsibility for your life means that everything in your life – simply because it is in your life – is your responsibility. If you take complete responsibility for your life, then everything you see, hear, taste, touch, or in any way experience is your responsibility because it is in your life.

This means that terrorist activity, the president, the economy – anything you experience and don't like – is up for you to heal. They don't exist, in a manner of speaking, except as projections from inside you. The problem isn't with them, it's with you, and to change them, you have to change you. This idea is “new age.”

Yet ho'oponopono means loving yourself. If you want to improve your life, you have to heal your life. If you want to cure anyone – you do it by healing you.

According to the Doctor, all he did was repeat to himself

I'm sorry, I love you, Please Forgive Me, Thank You

Dr. Len suggests a four-stage process for this ho'oponopono work. Whenever a place for healing presents itself in your life, open to the place where the hurt resides within you. After identifying this place, with as much feeling as you can, say the below four statements:

  • I love you.

  • I'm sorry.

  • Please forgive me.

  • Thank you.

There is challenge in my life, I am giving this try. Silently I am saying, "I'm sorry,'“ "I love you,” “Please forgive” and “Thank You.’

I do not know what will happen here. Whatever happens I hope love will be part of it.

morning photography Susan J Roche

I’m Sorry, I love you, please forgive me,

thank you

Turns out that loving yourself is the greatest way to improve yourself. And as you improve yourself, you improve your world.

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Symptoms of Non-Celiac Gluten Sensitivity | learning to be healthier

think of Gluten as Poison to You

My Doctor told me

look at Gluten as Poison For You

As an artist and a photographer, my work has always been influenced by my life’s experiences

How will Gluten Sensitivity affect me as a portrait photographer?

Do not know exactly how; maybe be a better person, therefore, artist and photographer

underwater portraits of women Florida, New Jersey, United States

A large part of my work is to about empowering people

with portraits. It is thrilling to capture the uplifting experience of a woman being photographed underwater or a family connecting with one another during a photo session. Always known my photo shoots and images help people feel loved and special. Maybe sharing this can help others, too.

Susan J Roche underwater Portrait Photography

Menopause? Thyroid?  

A decade ago, I began to gain weight.  My body changed from having a athletic build with a flat belly to something different. I stopped feeling good, feet ached, skin broke out, and stomach bothered me. My feet really hurt a lot, they felt numb. This caused a tightrope of how much walking & activities I could do without them becoming painful. Less movement, weight gain or weight gain causing less movement. Being in the water helped and inspired me.

Was it hormones?

Different doctors, more tests, drugs, supplements, etc.

self003IKApril 20_ 2020-42.jpg

My belly looked like I was pregnant. Even when I was pregnant did I look that pregnant until the last month or two!  My long hair thinned, a gradual shedding over the years. This year, it stopped growing!

Diagnosis - aging - again

My hair was often in braids or a pony tail, now a short bob with curls. Very much like my childhood idol the tomboy, read about in mystery books, Trixie Beldon. I hear “love that you cut your hair” all the time except my hair is trimmed every 9 months or so!

I knew something was wrong but what

Researching Auto Immune diseases still thinking Thyroid, an elimination diet began in late September of no gluten, dairy or sugar. I decided to not pretend to figure this out myself. Did not want a slew of different doctors telling me difference things; real help was needed and found with a (see this post) Functional MD.

I’ve heard the term, Leaky Gut before. Was it just another auto immune Disease that cannot be proved? Was an easy culprit gluten problems or auto immune, why?

Susan J Roche underwater portraits

When the tight junctions in the digestive system, which control what passes through the lining of the small intestine, do not work properly they could let substances leak into the bloodstream. Leaky gut syndrome is said to have symptoms including bloating, food sensitivities,aches and pains. It 's something of a medical mystery. “From an MD’s standpoint, it’s a very gray area,” says gastroenterologist Donald Kirby, MD, director of the Center for Human Nutrition at the Cleveland Clinic.

Is it diet, our food sources, has it been undiagnosed for years?

Dr. Miller said “your digestion is not working, it could be from many things so right now let’s treat this a reactions to gluten causing inflammation throughout your body.”

Diagnosis Non Celiac Gluten Sensitivity

Common Symptoms:

  • Bloating, gas or abdominal pain - used to bloating, often had my hand was on my stomach due to pain

  • Diarrhea or constipation - thought aging?

  • Nausea - always present unless I kept eating junk, pretzels, ginger ale, chips, cookies

  • Headache - starting now, they say it is part of healthy is getting worse

  • Brain fog - scares me because my mother’s dementia hurt her, all my siblings & I - immeasurably

  • Joint pain - podiatrist “my high arches are a birth defect, nothing can help, aging means limitations & pain”

  • Numbness in the legs, arms or fingers - mom had it, thought it was expected

  • Fatigue - well, there was Superstorm Sandy, rebuilt a house, my mothers passing, being tired is expected

According to my doctor, the elimination diet 18 days prior to the blood test and the week prior to the stool tests may have given an optimistic result

Meaning - possible Celiac

Tests - GI Stool profile with three day collection. Series of Blood tests - lab technician, “your doctor is really thorough, I have never taken so many for one person before”

Results ; released online - my first thought relief Parasitology not detected.

My doctor helped me to understand the reports and I’m continuing to learn.

  • Fecal Secretory IgA  high 3059 reference range <=2040 mcg/mL

  • Zonulin Family Peptide, stool result high 419.0 reference range 22.3 - 161.1 ng/mL

What is Zonulin

Huge indicators, in my laymen terms, of an inability to digest gluten. This causes inflammation in the digestive track and throughout my body. The ‘bad” bacteria grows excessively with very little good bacteria. So the reason my throat, stomach and to my (sorry to be graphic) anus hurts was something real is wrong. The hair loss and other systems may all improve in a few to several months.

More results in the blood profile

Susan J Roche Florida Underwater portrait photographer

  • Celiac Disease Panel IgA  is 3 states negative but 4 or above is positive for Celiac

  • IgA Serum high at 359

  • Oxide LDL high (even though my other LDL is low) 180 reference 10-170t

  • Uric Acid & Albumin for both high - indicating the liver is not working correctly

  • Ferritin serum is off the charts at 370 instead of 15-150

  • Higher than normal ferritin levels can mean you have too much iron in your body.

    • Conditions that cause increased iron levels include liver disease, alcohol abuse (haven’t had a drink in months), and hemochromatosis, a disorder that can lead to cirrhosis, heart disease, and diabetes.

  • Magnesium is high-thought the feet cramps were from low mag not iron

  • super low LDL may be not getting nutrients

SRoche.jpg

Is all this because of gluten? Something I have eaten my whole life. How could this be happening at 59? Why

Then I guess the truth is, it is unlikely that I will know with certainty. I know this,

week of the elimination diet I lost 12 pounds

more then likely inflammation

I feel better but not great.

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Over 100 years ago | Susan J Roche empowering yourself

We find ways to give ourselves experiences that embrace who we are. This gives up a perspective of change, one of joy and inspiration. Taking these steps for ourself gives us the ability to affect others, create a way to pass along the ability to find happiness and sense of motivation.

102 years ago the Spanish Flu Pandemic happened

According to the CDC, about one-third of the world’s population was infected by the Spanish flu, leading to at least 50 million deaths worldwide. People suffered in many ways including loss, grief, and isolation.

How do we learn from history? What can we do to now?

Susan J Roche (Cape Coral, Florida) women’s underwater portrait photographer. This experience allows women to see themselves in a new light, to change limiting thinking into one of new possibilities and adventure

We find ways to give ourselves moments that embrace who we are while caring for ourselves and our families. This enables us a perspective that change is possible, where one can find joy and inspiration.

Taking positive steps, even small ones, helps the ability to affect others, creates ways to express happiness and sense of motivation even during difficult times. 

It starts resiliency

This begins on a personal level

Find hope during uncertainty. While there may be moments we cannot control, knowing you are not alone and that your thoughts can lead to change is important.

Most Important

It’s imperative to take care yourself

Find ways of thinking especially when the news leans towards overwhelming feelings. Do and be around people (following safe guidelines) that inspire. You can do this in creative ways. It could be just reading someones words and thoughts. You can also reach to others via phone or online. This will help your personal self talk become one that is good for you and for others.

Uplift, renew and rejuvenate yourself through experiences is important

It is not always easy to navigate this time of uncertainty, finding ways to empower oneself and those you love is essential.  Supporting yourself in creative ways is mandatory. Try new things and remember to do simple activities - go outside, be in nature, listen to birds or the wind, find water (large bodies or even a puddle) paint, garden, cook, walk, sit in the sun, dream, read, learn a new language even if there is no one to speak with, it does not matter what you do. Just do something that makes you feel! Even if you believe you are not ‘good’ at it, the idea is to find pleasure in small ways.

Jersey shore underwater portrait photographer Susan J Roche photographs newborns

Remember, there are others who are having similar experiences. The stay at home order earlier this year and this time afterwards has had an effect on many people.

At 59 years old, minimizing risks is my responsibility. My adult daughters ( both nurses) remind me of my age vulnerability. Even though it feels like just yesterday I was a teenage, I am not. I have a new grand baby to see. It is essential to use thoughtful care with who and where I go for my own health, the health of those I love and those who work with me. We need to use our time wisely.

Our greatest asset right now is our power of acceptance.

Use your ability to focus thoughts of goodness

To know who we are, remember who we always have been and move into the future with hope and confidence

Perhaps the greatest lesson we may learn from this crisis is simply having the courage of conviction while doing things to keep our thoughts exceptional. Perspective is the key, and so is sincerity.

Find your passion, live in ways that fulfill you, only be around others who are living with safe health practices and are uplifting, keep your spirits high and most importantly, feel happiness, peace and contentment.

Susan J Roche empowering women underwater
my passion

my passion

Susan J Roche underwater portrait photographer

Susan J Roche, as a daughter, sister, mother, wife, partner, grandmother, artist, photographer, & friend - my journey has been always been about learning to live my life as the woman I am not the woman others would like to be. At times, it has been challenging but it is my one and only precious life.


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“It’s a good thing you’re old or people would think you’re pregnant” | Susan J Roche underwater portrait photography

self portrait series in April

The comment was heard in July while sitting outside social distancing …

Judy, our host, looked into my eyes with horror to see how I would react.  Leaning back into the chair crossing my  legs, slowly lifting red wine from the Reidel stemmed crystal glass, I ignored the comment. 

John had joked about the larger stomach my man (who is a big child & thinks himself as a comedian) now had. I added, “men are fortunate, when they gain weight they can slide their pants lower while women need to purchase new clothes.”  

I did not condone the comment! 

At a later date it was discussed. I do not believe he will ever try to joke about my or any women’s post menopausal body again!  He told me, when he made this comment, his friend John looked at him in shock.

 Turned my image into a maternity portrait in April - black and white, original in center and a fast, quick edit to slender myself in photoshop -

I am pretty good in PS, always tell my clients not to worry

To be honest, during quarantine, my pregnant model was a self portrait and photoshop. I thought it was kind of funny in a horrible way.

My Body

So the last few years, my weight is something I have been aware of along with my stomach bloating. Doctors kept telling me, it was menopause. At 5’8” and broad shoulders, carrying the extra weight maybe a bit easier that someone someone petite.

Since turning fifty, my athletic, fit body changed.  At first, I embraced these new curves, it was kind of fun especially for someone who always has a strong build.  Then my feet began to hurt, prohibiting hiking, something I love. My podiatrist said my high arches are the culprit. Orthotics in my shoes help but the pain had to be managed.

Always enjoyed having long hair yet it has been was thinning for years. Now only growing to shoulder length. People think I cut my hair, it just stopped growing longer. Was it hormones, thyroid? The doctors said this was normal. 

My distended stomach really was bothering me

Not because of vanity, the nausea! It never went away unless I was eating - crackers, cookies or pretzels and ginger ale soda. My diet also included pizza, candy and ice cream - just loved Twizzlers and would hide that I ate the whole bag. I also ate avocado, salads, tried to eat healthy but the junk made me feel better. In the last nine years, the only successful weight loss I had was after Superstorm Sandy! It did not last.  Not matter what diet or fasting I did, no weight loss or physique change!

Three weeks ago I had enough of nausea, a quest began

Walking the dog, I ran in to a friend who suggested a book, by Amy Myers. My goal wasn’t about weight, to feel better. Read, on google books, that night the first book written in 2015, The Autoimmune Solution, prevent and reverse the full spectrum of inflammatory symptoms and diseases on my iPad. The next morning, my diet changed. The follow up, Thyroid Connection, was read next. In both books, symptoms I have been experiencing were recognized.

Susan J Roche food

My food plan is vegetables - certain ones (no night shade), fruits, certain ones, meat, chicken, and seafood.  Sugar out, gluten out, dairy out along with tomatoes, nuts and potatoes.  The change in my diet began immediately, three weeks ago. My goal is to follow this diet for 28 days, maybe longer. Nausea motivated me. 

Sugar was the hard to not reach for but I really wanted to feel better. I considered ordered one of the vitamin kits then decided what I really needed was to see a doctor who I could trust. Then began cooking what I think is delicious, eating when my body wants something!

My neighbor and friend had mentioned a Functional MD, that she loved. Have to admit, I was not sure about the initial consultation fee and the costs of follow up visits, tests, etcetera. 

Then I realized I am worth taking care of. Just like purchasing beautiful artwork, clothing and lovely things for my home, my body is something I value.

Dr. Jessica Miller of Fusion Rehabilitative Medicine, Old Bridge, NJ, first availability was several weeks away yet I was willing to fill any cancelation when I called day four on a Monday morning. That afternoon I was offered to fill a spot Wednesday at 3 pm. By the time of my appointment, the way I was eating was helping. I did not feel great, just better. 

I loved Dr. Miller! This consult lasted two hours with my entire history, childhood, ways I have eaten during my life (a vegan in my forties - never want to limit my enjoyment of food that way again), surgeries, responses, weights, diets, emotions, and my entire life’s history was discussed. She has some ideas what might be the problem. 

Susan J Roche beach bike

Began riding my bike and walking regularly again. 

So now were are awaiting blood and stool test results. For now, I will keep with the 28 days elimination diet. I have to admit, today I feel so much better.  My next Dr’s appointment is first week of November, so sticking with the diet until then.

I even found ways to satisfy my needs for sweets! see the video

Here’s the real news

The side benefit of wanting to feel better and anyone would be excited about this… in ten days my scale was 12 pounds lighter, now solidly 15 pounds. Now I am not thinking I lost pounds of fat.  Water weight, inflammation, I do not know.  My stomach is not a distended.

Happy when I saw the video of me working - it looks like and I feel me!

So back to my man - who thinks he is Johnny Carson or something

He will place my salad order at our favorite take out restaurant requesting no tomatoes and no dressing with extra cucumbers, grilled shrimp or lobster. I know he sees that I feel better. He tells me he loves me. I think he misses me eating with him but is quite happy I am even talking to him!

Not sure he even notices that my body is changing but he knows I am happy. So we will see what the future holds.




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The Images of Hollywoods Golden Age | Susan J Roche underwater portrait photography

Marilyn Monroe, Humphrey Bogart, and Laurence Olivier are three of the biggest names in the history of Hollywood and they all have one thing in common: they emerged from Hollywood’s Golden Age.

Between the 1910s and 1960s was Hollywood’s revolutionary years. Filled with exceptional talent, new camera technology, and more freedom for scipt writers. While the years of a thriving Hollywood industry seemed they would last forever, they did inevitably come to an end. This is the rise and fall of Hollywood’s Golden Age.

In 1980, while at Mason Gross School of Art at Rutgers, I took one of my favorite courses of all time. The History of Photography, including darkroom work . We photographed using glass plates and chemical available during the different ages of photography as it developed as an art form. I have always believed that this course helped developed my style, gave me confidence in my visions and aided in overcoming my personal limitations.

Of course, the many technical courses taken, the skills learned and years of experiences have been imperative to me as an artist but the initial education about the beginning of image making and art history have been invaluable.

George Edward Hurrle, (1904-1992) photograph of actress Norma Shearer, who was attempting to mold her wholesome image into something more glamorous and sophisticated in an in the movie The Divorcee.

George Edward Hurrle, (1904-1992) photograph of actress Norma Shearer, who was attempting to mold her wholesome image into something more glamorous and sophisticated in an in the movie The Divorcee.

RUTH HARRIET LOUISE (1903-1940) in 1922, at just 19, to set up her own one-room studio in New Brunswick, New Jersey and advertise in the local business directory, “’Won’t you visit my studio, and let me perpetuate your personality.” Three years late…

RUTH HARRIET LOUISE (1903-1940) in 1922, at just 19, to set up her own one-room studio in New Brunswick, New Jersey and advertise in the local business directory, “’Won’t you visit my studio, and let me perpetuate your personality.” Three years later she headed to Hollywood and photographed Greta Garbo.

underwater portraits inspired by Hollywood glamour

underwater portraits inspired by Hollywood glamour

Susan J Roche fine art underwater portrait photographer

Susan J Roche fine art underwater portrait photographer

Cicil Beaton (1904 –1980) was one of the foremost photographers of the twentieth century, best known for his elegant and unusual shots of celebrities and royalty. His fascination with glamour and high society continued throughout his life. In 1929, in his early twenties, he was hired by Condé Nast and chronicled the golden age of fashion with his 8×10 inch camera for the glossy pages of Vogue and Vanity Fair, lensing 20th-century icons from Marlene Dietrich to Pablo Picasso, Coco Chanel, Sergei Diaghilev, Lucian Freud, Albert Camus, Marilyn Monroe, and Grace Kelly, among endless others.

MILTON H. GREENE (1922-1985) Greene initially established himself in high fashion photography in the 1940s and 1950s. His fashion shots appeared in Harper’s Bazaar and Vogue. Greene then turned to portraits of celebrities. He photographed many high-…

MILTON H. GREENE (1922-1985) Greene initially established himself in high fashion photography in the 1940s and 1950s. His fashion shots appeared in Harper’s Bazaar and Vogue. Greene then turned to portraits of celebrities. He photographed many high-profile personalities in the 1950s and 1960s, including Elizabeth Taylor, Frank Sinatra, Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kelly, Ava Gardner, Sammy Davis, Jr., Catherine Deneuve, Marlene Dietrich, and Judy Garland. Greene’s work with Marilyn Monroe (whom he first shot for a layout for Look in 1953) changed the course of his career.

The two struck up a friendship and, when Monroe left Los Angeles to study acting with Lee Strasberg in New York City, she stayed with Greene, his wife Amy and young son Joshua in Connecticut. Together with Greene, Monroe formed Marilyn Monroe Productions, a production company in an effort to gain control of her career (from Hollywood powerhouses). Greene would go on to produce Bus Stop (1956) and The Prince and the Showgirl (1957). The two also collaborated on some 53 photo sessions, some of which became well known, including “The Black Sitting”. Greene’s photograph for one such sitting in 1954 featuring Monroe in a ballet tutu was chosen by Time Life as one of the three most popular images of the 20th century. Monroe and Greene’s friendship ended after the production of The Prince and the Showgirl in 1957 with Monroe firing Greene.

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